Don Levine, the original creator of the 12-inch G.I. Joe doll, is releasing a series of biblically based action figures. Sticking close to a “Bratz” style for the female dolls and “He-man” style for the male action figures, the characters include Noah, Moses, David, Samson, Ester and Deborah. For $12.99 you can purchase one 12” action figure or doll, which includes accessories and a bible storybook with a tale about the character.

When asked about his purpose in creating bible-based action figures, Levine said, “The idea is to teach children exactly what the Bible talks about, and the strength of what it is.” With that in mind, Levine set out to turn his idea into a reality. His goal was to combine stories from the bible with, “what boys are interested in now, having their little weapons.”

Before I go any futher, I encourage you to go take a look at these toys here: Almighty Hereos Toys

Moms and Dads of the world are you listening? Do not buy these toys for your kids. And before you start lashing back at me, no, it’s not because they are religiously based toys. Obviously I’m going to think that bible-based action figures are silly, but just because I think everything bible-based is silly. Let’s just set that aside for a minute. Why shouldn’t you buy these toys for your kids? When they reach pre-teen to teenaged years, they are going to be embarrassed as hell, that they are part of the crazy religious family that bought these things as toys, for children to play with. Once they get over the initial embarrassment of having at one time thought that a golden armor-clad Silvester Stallone, Moses toy was cool, they will probably start to realize that you systematically brainwashed them into a system of religion since childhood. So basically, if you buy these for your children, they will hate you later on and it could potentially lead them to become Atheists. Do what you want, but these are the corniest things I have ever seen.

I will make an even better argument for my case. Who do you think is going to win in the battle for justice on the battleground of a child’s imaginary play space? Allow me to pose a few examples:

1) Almighty Heroes King David vs. Spiderman

No contest! Spiderman is going to kick King David’s ass! Goliath stood out in the field taunting David, thus giving the young king a chance to gather as many “smooth” stones as he needed. This isn’t Spiderman’s M.O. I’ll bet you 10 to 1 that Spidey springs into the air instantly delivering a web-shooter money-shot directly at David’s face. While David is trying to pry scientifically-crafted webbing out of his eyes, Spiderman will spin kick the sling out of David’s hand and while in mid-air, somersault around with a flurry of kicks and punches to David’s blinded pie-hole. Then Spidey will land safely on the fallen David’s back, quipping sarcastically, “go tell Sol there’s a new king in town, a Spider-King!”

2) Almighty Heroes Moses vs. Michelangelo of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Case #1: The first born son of a Jewish slave woman is abandoned and sent down a river where he is intercepted by a servant of the Pharoah’s Queen and raised in the royal court. He defies the Pharoah and helps to set free the jewish people from slavery. He eventually leads them through the wilderness, and in the end doesn’t get to enter into the promised land that he helped lead the people too.

Case #2: A transmutative, radioactive ooze, accidentally seeps into a sewer system in Manhattan transforming an ordinary turtle into a human-sized, nunchaku-wielding, pizza-loving, party-dude! Cowabunga Moses! You suck!

3) Almighty Heroes Noah vs. Wolverine

“OK, listen up!” “All species in the boat, two-by-two!” “Don’t look at me that way alligators!” “Everyone has to wait their…” SNIKTT!!! “ACK” ‘Nuff Said, Bub!

And look. Don’t go giving me that divine intervention crap. “Oh, these heroes are on the side of God!” “God can definitely overpower Wolverine, Spiderman and Michelangelo!” Oh yeah? Well if that’s the case, bring that fight on! God vs. the Superhero/Mutant Turtle Alliance?!? You could sell it on pay-per-view! God doesn’t have nunchucks, web-shooters or admantium claws. Are you kidding?

So let’s recap. If you buy these toys for your children, they will grow up to hate you and wonder how you ever survived in modern society, and why you ever considered having children if you were just going to buy them shitty toys that made them feel uncomfortable with their little Hindu friends. Also, these toys will never win any battles against the REAL fictional super characters.

I give Don Levine’s Almighty Heroes 2 halos, because Noah has a crossbow and a wolf companion. WTF?!

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After lunch, I headed back to the Houston Church of Scientology and Hubbard Dianetics Foundation for a lecture entitled, “What is Truth and Inspection.” The lecture actually came from one of the organization’s magazines that highlights key speeches delivered by L. Ron Hubbard and top Scientologists. Today’s lecture was actually presented by Hubbard in the 1970’s. We were all gathered together in a circle of chairs with a big couch in the middle. I took a spot on the couch, so that I could be comfortable for what I believed would be an in-depth discourse. This is exactly what it turned out to be. Pastor Don led this lecture and discussion, and opened by telling us that when you inspect the “truth,’ then common knowledge or what “everybody knows,” falls away. “There is no merit in an uninspected truth,” we were told. What a great way to start of a lecture about truth. I was impressed, actually. I started to think that maybe this wasn’t a crazy alien obsessed cult. Maybe these are rational people! So I listened further. Don continued by saying that, “Scientology uses auditing for inspection that will lead to conclusions.” I imagined that auditing was simply a process that Scientology had in place, to help the individual assess his surroundings and help in better decision-making. In fact, this is the portrayed function of auditing, but later I will find out that it is not just a series of helpful tips for making better life decisions. It is a series of leading questions, that persuades the participant to direct their mind to the “truths” that Scientology wishes for people to subscribe to. This is not a system of observation, analysis and conclusion. This is a system of brainwashing and manipulation, masking itself with a pseudo-scientific method. So yeah, it only took about 3 minutes into the lecture, before I was steamed at the approach they took to truth, but I continued to play along.

As the lecture proceeded, I started to realize that this wasn’t a discussion of truth in the definitive or even base philosophical sense. What was being presented was the “truth” that is provided through the practice of Scientology. Don continued in saying that those things, which you become familiar with, you can know and not fear. Inspection without fear will bring truths, and once you know the truth of something, it can no longer “bite” you. Once again, as a root ideal, this isn’t so bad. Investigate that which you don’t know and then you have nothing to fear from it, because you understand it. Sounds reasonable right? Well hold on a second, because here’s where it becomes weird. I was told that “we can only injure ourselves,” and that when you focus becomes centered on the Theta, then the physical universe has to comply. Through deeper observation of the Theta, you can gain familiarity and understanding to a level where “miracle healing” can occur. These are the words of Pastor Don: “when you burn your finger, look at the finger, until you are looking through the finger, making the physical world bend to the will of the spiritual.” Once again, it was told to us that we should, “look, don’t think.” So I found out that inspection is not a process of observation and gathering data for a process of knowledge and understanding, so that one could deal with issues as they arise, but instead, a process of supernatural understanding that will free the Thetan self to bend the physical world to it’s will! Along with this idea of supernatural manipulation of the physical world, are actions called “touch assists.” Through a touch assist, if performed correctly, a practitioner of Scientology can aide in the healing of another person. Think, “laying on of hands.” There is even a touch assist for awakening the comatose. Sadly, this is just the beginning of the craziness of Scientology.

Questions for the Scientologists:

Once the lecture was complete, I asked the group if they would mind sticking around and answering a few of my questions. I told them that I had heard about Scientology and wanted to understand what they believed and what their practices were, before I began my journey to free my inner Thetan. They obliged and this is what followed.

Q: Do you believe in a plane of existence for the spirit, such as a heavenly realm in Christian theology?
A: We believe in the 8 dynamics, or subdivisions of life, which include:
1) Self
2) Sex & Family
3) Groups
4) Mankind
5) Animal Kind
6) MEST – Matter, Energy, Space & Time
7) Theta or Spiritual Universe
8) Infinity or God

Q: Do you believe in a type of hell?
A: Mankind as a whole has aberration. Aberration burdens the Theta and keeps it from operating in a liberated state. Aberration causes an individual’s case, which causes them to forget, thus binding the Theta. This is a type of hell. Auditing removes aberration and helps in freeing the Theta. Thetans are basically good. They want to exist and survive.

Q: But do you believe in a punishment after death?
A: No. Thetans exist and have existed. They are not bound to the physical. And so you exist, and have always existed. (note: because I am my Thetan self)

Q: So you believe in reincarnation?
A: No.

Q: Do you believe that when a human dies, that the Thetan continues to live?
A: Yes, absolutely.

Q: Does this Thetan re-inhabit another human form?
A: Yes. Thetans are in the game and the game is life and aberration. If you die with aberration, you re-enter the game to continue the process of freeing the Thetan from aberration. When you become unaberrated, your Thetan is freed from the game, but will return to help remove aberration altogether.

Q: Re-inhabitation of human form, by a spiritual being, after the death of a prior human form is a standard supernatural definition of reincarnation. (* I know, technically not a question)
A: Oh. Well, OK.

The next question I asked prompted a scenario for me to enact, so I will explain it here. I asked, “So why the spiritual existence?” “Why does the Thetan have to come into play?” “Obviously the ideas of observation and inspection to gain understanding can apply to the physical world, without the introduction of spirituality.” “Why is the Theta idea so important?” I was then asked to close my eyes and picture a cat. I did as they asked, and imagined a black cat, with a white belly and paws. This cat was a memory of a family cat that just recently died. They told me to open my eyes. In the split second between closed and opened eyes, I wondered if I would see a physical manifestation of the cat that I had just imagined, perhaps, sitting in my lap. If this had happened, I assure you, that I probably would have committed myself to a life of Scientological mission work. That is, after thorough scientific inspection of the cat’s existence. Alas, this was not the case, and instead they asked me, “what was that?” I said, “What the cat?” “Yes, what was that?” Without another thought I said, “well that was my mind.” Then the group burst into laughter at my naivete. I was told that mental imagery and the mental state are not a function of the brain, but are the actual Thetan existence of the self. I laughed a bit, and told them that I didn’t think I was ready to buy that just yet, and started to describe the brain to them as a regulating unit for the chemical balance of the body, which also acts as a unit for memory and motor skills. I began to insist that the mind was a function of the brain for memory recall actualization, to identify and perceive physical reality and that when I form a mental image in my mind, I am using a collection of formed language and aesthetic recognition to preconceive forms and ideas. I was stopped at about that point and told that this was not the case, and that this would probably be my biggest aberration to overcome on my path to freedom for my Thetan self.

Pastor Don then told me that notions like mine, are what lead people to rely on psychiatry and psychotherapy to aide their dysfunction. Psychiatry has only medicated and sedated people, who need to be freed from their aberration. Don said that psychosomatic ailments or illnesses are also aberrations, and that 70% of all illnesses are psychosomatic. He went on to say that when a person is relieved of a psychosomatic sickness through placebo, or coercion, that it proves the state of spiritual existence and healing. They seemed to be a bit uneasy with my questioning at this point, so I didn’t push to ask where he got his figures for psychosomatic illness, or his ideas on placebo based cures. I had asked a final question about beginnings, and they pointed me to a large book, explaining Scientology’s ideas on origins, but the thing was going to cost about $100 and I didn’t want to spend that much on ideas I presume are inept. So with this, I ended my questioning and thanked them for their time. One of the women then led me to a back room of the mission, so that I could take my personality test!

Picture Intermission:

The Personality Test:

A Scientology personality test consists of 200 questions. These questions range anywhere from, “do you get nervous in social situations,” to “do you have random uncontrollable twitches in your muscles.” The correct answers, or the answers that will make you seem well balanced, are pretty self evident for this multiple-choice test, but I chose to answer honestly to see how I fared. After I finished my test, I turned it in for analysis and was told to come back the next day for my results.

The next day I returned, and met with an initial counselor to go over my results. The first set of cold fronts for my area had blown through at the beginning of the week and I had a small cold. Nothing really serious, just a case of the sniffles. My test results showed that I was a very capable individual, who set goals just above my reach, but that I was able to attain new information easily and that my goals were not far fetched. My only stigma was that I am a little melancholy. My counselor told me that my first step would be to overcome this character flaw and then I could become balanced to begin my path towards a clear, free Thetan self. Guess what? Scientology has a course that can help me overcome my subtle bouts of depression and malaise. The workbook was only $89.95 and my councelling sessions would run around $100 to $150, depending on my progress. So at worst, the melancholy mindset that has been ruining my life ever since I was young, could be vanquished from my mental condition, freeing my Thetan self that much more, for (drum roll) $239.95. If only all of my character flaws could be removed for such a price! I bet you’re wondering why I mentioned my cold on the day of my analysis. Perhaps some of you have guessed it already. The reason for my cold, was my character flaw. If I were to take the course, and free myself from that still, small voice in my head, whispering for me to slice my wrists on occasion, not only would I free my inner Thetan but I could then start using my new found spiritual freedom to release me from the burden of the common cold. Could I be promised prolonged stamina in the bedroom? That would probably cost a little more than $239.95.

Conclusion:

Scientology leads you to ideas, while telling you that you are inspecting them and that you are finding your own truths. That is why it is attractive. It seems self-empowering. Embracing standard ideas of human rights, Scientology will persuade you that it is an organization dedicated to helping all of us realize our importance and our potential. There is really only one potential that is observed in the individual by Scientology and that is the potential to make a lot of money through manipulation of the weak-minded.

Hubbard’s system works as a self-help pyramid scheme. You are brought in and given a 200 question personality test. The questions identify your personal weaknesses and areas of improvement. They then tell you that these weak spots are what keep you from being ultimately happy, and that with their help, you can be free from health issues, financial worries, etc. Every person in modern society, especially those of the working and middle class persuasion, has fears and worries about life, health and their finances. Scientology identifies your weaknesses and then uses them “for” (read against) you to encourage you to buy in to their form of psychotherapy. This is why they are actively against modern psychiatry and psychology. They are competing for the same market. And believe me, they are most definitely competing for a space in the market. This is, before anything else, a capitalistic venture. Base level courses, to get you over your initial inadequacies, start at around $100. Then you are encouraged to be advised by councilors along the way, which will run you anywhere from $100 to $200 an hour. Most of the workers at your local “mission” are volunteer workers, who aren’t paid. So where is all of this money going? It travels straight back to the top of the pyramid, into the coffers of Hubbard’s organization. By the time a person has reached the OTIII level of Scientology, they will have spent close to $30,000 in training material and auditing sessions. Around this level, you will then learn of the ridiculous story of Xenu and the murders and how the Thetans came to be locked into human form. Sadly, by this time, you will have been brainwashed so deeply by this manipulative cult, that you will probably believe this whole-heartedly and not see the foolishness of the idea.

Scientology fills people up with spiritual, thetan-self, mumbo-jumbo and convinces them that their minds are not really a function of the brain and the natural chemical processes of the body, but are composed of a supernatural entity whose condition will actually get worse through taking medication for mental deficiencies. Freedom does not lie in aiding the ailment of the physical self. If only you can free your Thetan of it aberrations, then you will find you can manipulate the physical world and overcome any ailment and any worry! Look! Don’t think! Don’t get bogged down in critical thought. It will only further aberrate your spirit and keep you from the mental shepherding that is provided through the “technology” of Scientology. This is a very large, elaborate, expensive trick. If you are a part of Scientology, and happen to read this, I encourage you to “Look, AND THINK!” A person who goes through life, without critical analysis of new ideas will surely be easily manipulated and will fall for anything. This is exactly what Scientology is counting on.

If you are currently undergoing their counseling and auditing, take a closer look at what is actually being said and done. Are you really figuring things out for yourself, or are you being led to conclusions? If you are really figuring things out for yourself, why couldn’t you figure them out on your own? Did you really need auditing to figure something out for yourself? These are a few of the questions you should ask yourself, because you are being tricked. You are being played for your hard-earned money, and the only benefit you are truly gaining is that of self-convinced, consequential prosperity. You are becoming focused on your goals and putting yourself in a place that is more apt to obtaining your goals, but it is not for any supernatural reason. You are doing everything to yourself, and you are then having it reinforced by a cult that is lying to you about the nature of your consequential accomplishment. No one needs Scientology to be a better person. In the end, you will find, that you have spent way too much money on a hoax that convinced you that you have some kind of supernatural power to manipulate the physical world to your will. Trust me, you have no supernatural power to manipulate anything. Ask yourself this. If L. Ron Hubbard unlocked the ability to harness manipulative control over the physical world, then why isn’t Scientology the ONLY religion on the planet?

On that note, I give Scientology 5 halos, for believing in the Dark Lord Xenu, and thinking that imaginary cats are proof of a spiritual realm. Oh, and I hear that Scientology likes to shut down websites that badmouth or expose them. Bring it on, my Thetan can kick your Thetan’s ass!

If you would like to read more about Scientology, please visit the following websites:
http://www.xenu.net
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scientology

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Before I begin, I want to establish my halo rating for Scientology as a whole. You guys get  5 halos. I believe by the time I’m finished, everyone will see why.

For a long time my friends and I have had a laugh on Scientology’s behalf for numerous reasons. At the top of the list is the idea that an alien, the Dark Lord Xenu, killed a mass of people to cure the overpopulation of the collective planets he controlled. Xenu accomplished this by capturing a mass of people, and imprisoning them beside volcanoes, after which he dropped H-bombs into the volcanoes causing them to erupt, killing all of the people. He then collected all of their souls and made them watch a film that convinced them that they were all gods, devils, etc. The souls were confused, thinking they were the same person and started sticking together. Then the “stuck together” souls found a few living bodies and inhabited them. Supposedly this is the dilemma of the human condition, that we need to free our souls or “Thetans” of their burdens. I know. This DOES sound crazy. Finally, I decided that I should investigate what would actually make people want to join an organization built on this type of idea. On December 10, 2006, a Sunday, I decided to visit my local Church of Scientology. They had no idea I was an atheist, and I intended to keep it that way. My goal was to get as much information about their practices and organization as possible. Here are my findings.

Introduction by Sermon:

I called ahead on December 9th, to get the details and layout of what I should expect when I showed up for their weekly Sunday event. I informed them that I didn’t know much about Scientology, and wondered if I would be lost when attending their services. They told me that every Sunday at 10 a.m. they held a basic level sermon that newcomers could attend.

On Sunday I showed up about 20 minutes early, thinking that I might wander around and browse their literature. When I showed up, a young girl sitting behind a receptionist’s desk instantly greeted me. I told her that I wanted to attend the 10 a.m. sermon, and with a smile she handed me a clipboard with a visitor’s information form. I filled it out, with all of my correct information, so that they could contact me at a later date. This may seem foolish, but I actually wanted to see how they follow up with people that visit their organization. I figured it might add some insight into their coercion techniques. After filling out the form, she told me that I was a little early and asked me if I would like to watch a film before the sermon began. After agreeing, she led me to a couch that would later be part of a round table discussion. I will save that for later. I made myself comfortable and sat in front of a big screen television as she loaded the film, “Human Rights” into the DVD player. What started playing was a series of 39 commercials for each of the human rights that the Church of Scientology embraced. Each commercial was a dramatization of a certain human right being abused, followed by a glowing text of the right itself. The rights they embrace would later be referenced in the sermon as our inherent inalienable rights, which are to be protected and never yielded. The one that stands out in my mind starts with a middle school girl doodling, “I love Kevin,” or “Scott,” or something to that effect while sitting in the lunch room. An atypical school bully type kid, who immediately brought the note to Kevin, folded in half, strips the note from her possession. The crowded lunch room bursts into chants of “read it, read it, read it!” Hesitating for a minute to consider peer pressure, Kevin keeps the note folded and walks back over to the girl and hands it to her. The film fades to black and an illuminated “We Have the Right to Privacy” shimmers on the screen. I take a minute to note this, because if you were absolutely new to the ideas of Scientology, this would seem like a great premise to base a religion around. “Hey, this church embraces civil rights, I buy that!” Sadly, that’s not all you’re going to buy. I will also leave that for later.

After I had gone though about 8 of the 39 human rights commercials, I was informed that the sermon was about to begin and was led to the lecture room. The room was made up of 1 row of 6 pews. There was just enough room on one side of the row to walk up and enter your pew. It was quite small, and I realized once the sermon began, that they didn’t need anything much bigger. In total, there were 8 people attending the Sunday morning service. “Pastor Don,” entered the room in garb equaling those of a catholic priest. He dressed all in black with a silver Scientology cross draped around his neck to mid chest, hanging just below his white priest collar. His sermon was entitled, “Man’s Relentless Search.” Pastor Don told us that man’s history is wrought with errors including war, famine, disease and wrongdoing. The reason for all of this is because man is constantly thinking about himself and ultimately trapped inside of his own mind. If man could stop looking at himself and learn to look at and observe others, then he would start to become freed of the evil he creates. Man needs to understand that he is not truly looking for himself. He knows himself. What man is truly searching for is the soul, or the “Thetan.” In Scientology, they refer to our spiritual being as Thetan. I was told many times during my discourse with these people, that eventually I would learn to stop referring to the Thetan self, and just refer to it as “I.” This is the extent to which they believe in the Thetan idea.

Picture Intermission:

But man had not always thought of himself only, and had at one time, considered the spiritual existence. Sadly, this consideration and path to what could have been freedom for the Thetan self, was exploited and turned into a system of control by all of the religions we have encountered so far, especially modern religion. Remember, I am being told all of this. Religion being a system of manipulation of the mind and unjust control, was actually an idea that I could agree with. Sadly, a man wearing a priest’s outfit who I would later find out, believed in attaining mystical supernatural powers was telling me this. Don went on to say that Psychology too, is a form of control that neglects the human spirit, medicating the minds of the masses and confusing the Thetan self into believing that it is nothing more than a brain, or a piece of meat with chemical impulses and imbalances. A diamond cannot see its own glitter, and you will gain nothing from focusing on your self. A most attractive offer, to the human “reactive” mind, is for someone to help you know yourself. Psychology keeps the human mind introverted when it should be extroverted, because we find through extroversion, and understanding others, that we will then understand ourselves. I will find out later, that the first step in the Scientological path to Thetan freedom, is analysis of the self. I will also find out later, that they’re really just trying to sell you a form of psychiatry service, inside of a crazy, brainwashing cult, but you don’t know that yet.

Then Don spoke the words that almost dropped me out of my pew. “Look! Don’t think!” Catch that second part? Yeah, me too. These words will be repeated to me at least 20 more times before I am done with my Scientology experience. To the Scientologist, thinking creates introversion, which is bad. Looking, and observing the world around you, creates extroversion, which is good. Now I bet some of you are saying, “well yeah, observing the world and people around you IS a good idea, but after observing, you should think about what you have observed to find it’s rational meaning.” I said that too. As we move along, you will find that the mantra of “Look! Don’t think!” is just one way of breaking down the mind of the individual so that they can implant their doctrine. In fact, I’ll show you that every time I subtly started to ask a question that got too close to countering their beliefs, I would be told that it was my reactive mind keeping me introverted. If I were weak-minded and prone to spiritualism, it would have excited me to no end to find that my rational mind was actually my downfall and that I needed to free my spiritual self which has been enslaved of a mind that just wants to think to much. I can imagine this is the bait for many of the people who join Scientology, but we’re not there yet.

Here’s where the trick comes in. After telling us to look and don’t think, we are immediately told that unless the ideas of Scientology are true to us, then they should not be applied to us. We are immediately given the concept that we have a choice in the matter. The quote went like this: “All I am here for is to give you the facts. You take the facts and see if they are true for you. If they don’t apply, then it’s not for you. If they do apply, then it’s for you.” Do you see the trick in this statement? I’m going to give you FACTS. You think about them and see if they’re true. Already he is implying that what he is saying is true. He is not really giving you the allowance to decide. He is proclaiming his ideas as truth, and then telling you that you are free to decide. This is not a true allowance on his part, and if you question these facts, you are giving in to your reactive mind that wants to trap you in endless thought. Yeah, it’s circular. This may seem obvious to many of us, but trust me, I’ve known many people who could fall for much less than this. Also, we’ll find out later that the truths they tell you about the self, are so vague and applicable across the board, that the layman will not be able to see that these things don’t work. You’ll be told that every time something goes right, it is because you extroverted your Thetan self and obtained control over your physical reality. Every time something goes wrong, like if you catch a cold, it will be because you are hindering the freedom of your Thetan self. If you didn’t have a critical mind, I could see how this could show itself to be self-evident solely by accepting it in the first place as a test, because there is no test.

Pastor Don concluded his sermon by saying, “We offer you freedom and immortality.” “You are a spirit and you can be free.” He then invited us to join a round-table discussion later that afternoon entitled, “What is Truth and Inspection.” I went out for lunch to review my notes, and then came back for this discussion. Come back for part 2 of this investigation, which includes my analysis of this discussion, my Q&A session with Pastor Don, and the results of my Scientology personality test!

CONTINUE TO PART 2

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