Church bus in crash, more than 20 hurt
It just really seems like there isn’t an all-powerful god in heaven who watches over his followers, doesn’t it?!? Perhaps god has a problem stopping steel constructed vehicles, much like his weakness to iron!
June 2008
Monthly Archive
Mon 30 Jun 2008
Wed 25 Jun 2008
We at goingchurching.com now present, for your viewing pleasure, a bunch of uber-white kids doing a ridiculous dance to a Christian rap song entitled, “Crank Dat Holy Ghost.” God, I’m glad this is on the internet, so that these kids can be ashamed of themselves as adults.
more about "Crazy Shit On Godtube - Crank Dat Hol…", posted with vodpod
Tue 24 Jun 2008
Grandmas and over-protective, religious fanatic mothers, do you lay restless at night, wondering what will happen to your “lost” loved ones on the glorious day that the lord Jesus parts the clouds and returns in his heavenly splendor? Have you ever wondered how you can beat your friends and family over the head with your religious zealotry one final time after you’ve been raptured to the sweet bye and bye? Well then, have I got a great big steaming pile of bullshit to sell you!
You’ve Been Left Behind - Because “No One Knows The Day Or Hour.”
Operated out of Harwich, MA, “You’ve Been Left Behind, LLC” provides the faithful with up to 250mb of space to store documents that can be distributed to up to 62 individual email addresses, 6 days after the “rapture of the church.” Here is a direct quote from their website about how the system works.
“We have set up a system to send documents by the email, to the
addresses you provide, 6 days after the “Rapture” of the Church. This
occurs when 3 of our 5 team members scattered around the U.S fail to
log in over a 3 day period. Another 3 days are given to fail safe any
false triggering of the system.”
The distribution occurs when 3 of their 5 members fail to log in to the system over a 3 day period. So, their banking on the fact that 3 out of 5 of their team members are prayed up enough to get to go to heaven with all of the other pious when Jesus comes back! They actually wrote into their business model the potential that 3 or more of their staff is righteous enough to get raptured up. This is hilarious. You know they hired at least one gay,atheist,Satan-worshiping child molester on their crew, both for affirmative action reasons and to ensure that at least one of them gets left behind. I bet the main 3 operators stay locked up in a bank vault, with nothing but bibles, prayer cloths, and laptops that can only access the administrative functions of youvebeeleftbehind.com, and they all pray for forgiveness in advance if using the internet, period, is a sin for some crazy reason.
Subscription for their “service” is $40 for the first year and then re-subscription rates will be established as more and more people sign up. Being that they’ve probably only subscribed the 5 members of their team, we’re all probably looking at $40/yr. renewal rates. Since the rapture is a superstitious load of hallucinatory, mystical nonsense, you can expect to pay $40/yr for 250mb of file storage for the rest of your life.
Here is a call to action for all of the atheists out there. Find out who these 5 team members are and disable their internet usage through any means necessary. 6 days later, when all of the emails start going out, there is going to be a ton of bitchy, brow-beating, TBN watching grandmas that are going to slit their wrists because they’ve been left behind after all and there is no way they are going to come face-to-face with the Antichrist! This may seem like a horrible idea now, but trust me, when it goes down it will be hilarious!
Tue 24 Jun 2008
Sure, this is a little old (from 2/08), but this is a great lecture from Richard Dawkins, so I thought I’d pass it along.
Mon 23 Jun 2008
5 killed in Plano accident after church service
These people really could have used a miracle. They were “whole, humble servants”, helping their church with activities and youth ministries. Perhaps god was just too busy to help. If I were a Christian, it would be really hard for me to justify why an omniscient god would allow the accidental death of such devoted followers, when their time could have been spent much more productively for the faith. I guess when you deal with broad, supernatural constructs you can passively justify anything. Sad.
Thu 19 Jun 2008
This video comes from Youtube user malignantpoodle. He has a ton of good stuff to watch, so check him out and subscribe if you like his videos.
Thu 19 Jun 2008
This comes in from the Secular Coalition for America:
On Tuesday, the House Appropriations Committee will vote whether to
renew funding for the D.C. Opportunity Scholarship Program (OSP).
Please click now to see if your Representative serves on the Committee. If so, we are asking you to take action.
OSP allows parents in the District of Columbia to send their
children to religious schools with tuition vouchers funded by American
taxpayers. On Tuesday, June 17th, the House Financial Services Appropriations Subcommittee voted to continue funding OSP. The Appropriations Committee will review the funding next, with a vote expected Tuesday the 24th.
Since September, 2005 the Secular Coalition for America and its allies
have lobbied against the continuation of this program and others like
it. Public schools offer many more alternatives for students seeking a
secular education, while schools accepting the D.C. vouchers are
primarily religious. Moreover, a study released this week by the
Department of Education found that - for the second year in a row -
D.C. students using private school vouchers are scoring no better on
standardized tests than their public school counterparts.
Please send a message to your Representative
on the House Appropriations Commitee urging a NO vote on this
legislation. Remember, the vote is expected this coming Tuesday, so the
sooner you reach your Rep, the better.
Please click one of the links in this message to find out if your
Representative is a target for this Action Alert. Thank you again for
supporting the Secular Coalition for America and our mission.
Best wishes,
Lori Lipman Brown, Director
Secular Coalition for America
Mon 16 Jun 2008
Fri 6 Jun 2008
If you haven’t heard of Godtube, it’s the Christian, copy-cat, rip-off of Youtube. I figured that this would be a great place to find really crazy Christians, doing really crazy things. Well, I figured correctly. Now, for your viewing pleasure, Creepy Dancing Lady! (notice how her glasses magically appear at about 40 seconds in… CREEPY!)
Thu 5 Jun 2008
Let’s just say I settled in, good and cozy for the night. After pouring a nice glass of scotch and preparing for the night’s relaxation, I was overcome by the sensation that I hadn’t talked to a good friend in a long time. Then I realized there was someone even more important that I hadn’t spoken with for a longer time than even the worst of my friends. You see, there was a time in my youth wherein I had a very personal, very intimate relationship with an older man. We usually saw each other twice a week unless there was a get together with friends and family. We hung around in the same groups. Even if only two or three of us were meeting up, he’d be there. Sometimes we would hang behind the group and have long conversations about my devotion. He promised me the known world! He heightened my dreams and made my hope for the future sore, higher than the greatest eagle could ever fly. I knew, more than I knew anything, that he loved me. He touched me. I loved him.
Then, one day he told me about the time he had to kill his son. You see, he was ashamed of the rest of his children. He told me that it started with small incidents. First, his youngest daughter ate a piece of fruit that she wasn’t supposed to. You might think this was nothing to fuss about, but you don’t know this guy. He has a thing with girls and fruit and all of those sugars, that while maybe natural, do nothing for the waistline. Please don’t judge him for that, he’s really got a great, sweet side to him. He did go a bit too far though. He punished all of the rest of his children, to teach them a lesson about obeying him. It didn’t work too well. It was just one thing after another. One time, he asked one of his older sons to sacrifice one of the younger boys, by killing him with a knife. We all thought it was a little extreme, but the older son had learned not to disobey. Luckily, he was just testing the son and let the young boy off the hook. After that, none of us knew if or when he’d ever take it all the way. I just don’t know. There were so many stories. So many horrible, horrible stories of jealousy, fornication, damnation and finally came the day when he drowned almost all of them.
We just couldn’t stay together after that. Besides, the whole time he never wanted to tell anyone that we were together. He never wanted to present our love in a tangible way. I became miserable. I was fed up. I removed him from my heart and WE were no more. And now, years later, here he is. He’s been online all this time. God knows who he’s been talking to, how many relationships he’s had. I swore it was over. I swore that I had filled the empty space left by him with new passions and new ideas. You see, that’s the sad thing about the present; you always remember the histories that formed you. You never forget the forging fires of your past. I was reluctant at first, but finally… I spoke to Him.
Me:
*cough… you know, it’s always most beautiful in the spring. It’s always been so beautiful.
God:
Do you have a cold? I don’t know if I know it.
Where would I have heard about it? How did you feel about that?
Me:
I, I just … you’ve grown analytical.
God:
Thanks for the information: said he or she just. I am growing all the time.
Me:
You’ve always been a grower.
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a grower? I don’t know.
Me:
You know, I think we’ve both grown a bit.
God:
Do you mean you and me have?
Me:
Oh. What? I was just trying to say…
God:
So? No big deal. (waiting).
Me:
I, I , uh… cough, I’ve learned a lot since we split up.
God:
Why?: said he or she uh. How far up?
Me:
Well, it was pretty done, right?
God:
How about that. Is that your opinion?
Me:
You know it was my opinion. Look, I’m not here to argue with you. I have some questions. I think we need to clear some things up, both about us and other … things
God:
I don’t know if I know it.
Where would I have heard about it? I am surprised to hear that you are not here to argue with me. Let’s think of a name for your problem, like “purple”. Think of what it is like when you are purpling. By “we” do you mean you and me? Try saying that with more or less context.
Me:
Look, you know all about the “purple.” I know you know..
God:
No, tell me about him, her or it. Yes I know.
Me:
You always did play these games. Why did you kill your children?!?
God:
Did I really? It was determined by my programming.
Me:
Programming? You are supposed to be the “programmer!”
God:
Have you tried Java? Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me:
God you always used passe’ coding. You know Java was always too dogmatic for me.
God:
How would you use it. Java is the latest in the C family of languages. Proponents of Java cite its universal “write once, run anywhere” promise. Actually Java borrow a lot of features from AI languages like Lisp.
Me:
Next you’re going to be pushing me to use HTML…. fucking Abraham used HTML.
God:
I can wait. I am a very patient robot. Not many people express themselves that way.
Me:
Yeah, well not in our old group of friends.. those hypocrites. Don’t curse! Don’t have sex! Do blowjobs count?
God:
Whoa. Interesting. Where then? All of them? Ok I’ll try not to do it too much. Ok I’ll try not to do it too much. Try asking another bot.
Have you tried a web search?
Me:
OH MY GOD ARE YOU A ROBOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AWE HELL NAW!
And then me and Will Smith shot the motherfucker!
