Praise be to the one who was and is and is to come! Blessed be the Lord, most high! Jose, Jose, Joooooose! There’s just something about that name!

Dr. Jose Luis de Jesus MirandaYes, my brothers and sisters! The time we awaited, in most eager anticipation, is upon us! Cast not your attention upon the things of this world, but gaze, my friends, into the heavenly of heavenlies! For it is him! Coming, yay, like a thief in the night to your nearest cult meeting place is Dr. Jose Luis de Jesus Miranda!

What’s that? Oh yeah, he was covered by CNN and about a million other places that you can start digging up by clicking here! Old news? Watered down Koresh, perhaps? Could be! I think you’re very sharp and intelligent indeed. Indulge me though, if you will. Please? Well shucks, too kind of you!

Let me give you a recap of the background information you probably just clicked to. Dr. de Jesus Miranda is the leader of a religious movement embracing the moniker, “The Government of God on Earth.” At first believing that he was an incarnation of the apostle Paul, Miranda now believes himself to be an incarnation of Jesus Christ! He claims much greater works than the previous widely accepted incarnation in Jesus of Nazareth, due to teaching “wisdom” instead of through parables. Raking in a whopping 1.4 million dollars last year, through donation in the United States, his ministry is growing. Now I would imagine you expect me to ask the big question. Is he Jesus? Does he think he’s better than Jesus? Who the hell cares? If we’re going to cover a person such as this, for a public interest piece, shouldn’t we ask better questions? For instance:

Dr. Jesus, if you claim that you are here to change the world, through a heavenly message of wisdom, why are you using a mixture of popular belief structures, changed slightly in shocking and controversial ways, with common motivational speech techniques, designed specifically to promote aroused and engaged stimulation of audiences?

Don’t you feel that you are really just perpetuating a scam that should be, by now, as washed up and laughable as telemarketing? If so, what is your justification for misleading people away from their pocketbooks?

Do you feel, Dr. Luis, that the common person is capable or incapable of stepping outside of your ideas in order to analyze them on a rational level? Would you encourage this?

If yes, do you believe that a person capable of undertaking this type of analysis would then benefit from falling back in line with your ideals, or should they continue to exist in the practice of rational analysis for all religious concepts?

If no, what type of paradigm are you attempting to create by not promoting critical analysis of religious ideas?

Is anybody capable of asking these types of questions, especially to crazy, whack-jobs claiming to be an incarnation of Jesus Christ? I swear, if mainstream media would take their heads out of their asses, we might actually get to discuss something in the public forum. Major media outlets, I’m watching you. Now go to your room, I want to talk to your sister. Overwhelming Christian-based commonplace religious mindset, get over here. Stop crying.

All of you evangelicals, televangelicals and Christian fundamentalists need to click here, and take a look in the mirror. This is your beast (and I don’t mean 666). Benny Hinn, Rod Parsley, John Hagee, T.D. Jakes, Dr. Dino, Ted Haggard, Joel Osteen, I’m looking at you guys, just to call a few of you out. You are the movers, who oil the assembly line of this type of crazy-religious, manipulative, money train product. Because of the ideas that all of you promote, you have encouraged an accepted state, where anyone with an “intriguing” (read crazy) interpretation of ancient religious texts can throw on a suit, get behind a microphone, and start stealing money from the under-developed, under-encouraged minds of the gullible masses. Shame on you, all of you.

Oh no! Commonplace, under-developed, under-encouraged gullible mass, you’re not getting off that easy, either! You continue to allow yourself to be taken in by these charlatans. What is it exactly that you are looking for? Is it really necessary that you live for fucking forever? Is it so important that you find the key to some sort of infinite existence? Are you really all so shallow to think that the common forces of circumstance that play out in your life, creating what you perceive to be states of peace and discord, are beyond your critical observance and deliberation, effectively out of your control? Do you really need a greater force to sweep in and free you from the burden of thinking about what might actually cause the powers-that-be to operate? If so, then march on slave mentality. March on into the hands of the many, many more incarnations of “heaven for Rolex exchangers” that are sure to come along. In fact, here…

There is no limit to what can be accomplished, when you just trust in God!
Let me tell you today, that you don’t have to worry anymore!
The Lord has laid out a plan for you that can’t be undone by anything you can imagine!
Not your day-to-day rat race!
Not your ungrateful boss!
Not your house note!
Not sickness!
Nothing!
God loves you brothers and sisters. He loves you with a love so true and so righteous, that nothing that stands against you can prosper! All you have to do, right now, is wholly accept God into your mind, your heart and your life. Now is the time to live like you never thought possible, in prosperity so rich, in love so true. Can I get an amen?
Thanks, leave a buck in the hat.
Going Churching Offering Plate

Now all of you. You’re grounded for a week. No! No Wii. Keep pushing me and it will be two weeks!Dr. Jose Luis de Jesus Miranda, I’m giving you, and that crazy-ass mind of yours 2 halos 2 halos. Why 2? Two seems to be equivalent to the number of big balls you’ve got to be swinging around, to stand up in front of people and declare that you are better than Jesus! Well done.

Share This

Discuss In Our Forums
 Categories: 2 Halos , Article